We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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