This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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