oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
