david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
