yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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