but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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