I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
