I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
