i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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