from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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