My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
