So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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