think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
