We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
