Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
