I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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