if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
