If that was your dad, he is hot
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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