I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
