I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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