just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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