got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
