She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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