I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
