I met the friendliest cop last night
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
