The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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