I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
