Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That accounts for only three of the penises
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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