2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
