just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
