my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't turn off my feet"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
