"it" just moved
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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