Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize