I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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