Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
