HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
