the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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