What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
