will power is for people who don't want to get laid
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
