does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
