Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
