Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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