We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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