I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
