i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
