Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
