He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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