If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
