Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
