Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
