So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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