Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
