so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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