What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
