i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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