Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
