my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
