is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
