How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
