I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
