Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
