the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
