Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
