He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
