i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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